There’s an undeniable pansy vortex in gay life.
You fall into it with baggy jeans and climb out of it with spandex up the crack of your ass.
How else can you explain my ex-boyfriend “Larry”? Closeted when I met him, he was popular, gorgeous, smart and athletic. He was the “be” to everyone’s bop. Then he came out. Everybody he hung out with liked to do drag and camp it up. Suddenly, Larry started shaving his legs, wearing tight shorts and calling everyone “girl.” He ripened into a fruit before my very eyes.
One day he made me close my eyes and sit at the foot of his bed for a surprise. He pulled out a long black wig and a slinky Bob Mackie knockoff. And that was the end of that. Now, was Larry born with the desire to dress like Cher or did he just adapt to a culture that demanded it?
I’m not the only one who has lost boyfriends to the culture’s pansy vortex. My friend Gary dated this really cool guy who spoke four languages. He got sucked into the vortex and never came out. Now he lisps in four languages.
So, what fuels the gay flame? On the one hand, there really are guys who come out of the womb complaining about the backlighting. But my feeling is that just as many learn to complain. I’ve always maintained that effeminacy is like obesity. Sometimes it’s glandular, but mostly it’s cultural. Read the rest of this entry »
Why do so many effeminate men take on a plumage that turns off the guys they want to attract?
There’s an interesting contradiction in gay life: The culture that celebrates effeminacy in society ridicules it in the bedroom.
Exhibit A: Timothy Bergling in his book, “Sissyphobia: Gay Men and Effeminate Behavior,” did an analysis of personal ads and found 40% of all ads were masculine-themed (he looked at code words like “straight-acting only” and not-so-coded phrases like “femmes need not apply”), while only 2 percent were feminine-themed. (The rest were neither.)
Again, the score on personal ads: 40% masculine themed, 2% feminine themed, the rest uncategorized.
That masculine gay men prefer other masculine gay men as partners isn’t a shock. What is surprising is how few effeminate men wanted other effeminate men as sexual partners.
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If being who you are isn’t getting you what you want, you either have to change who you are or change what you want.
from a reader:
I’m 18, have a nice body, cute butt, and all that, but nobody online hits me up. I think what’s causing all the ignores is my femininity. I’m kind of femme, yes, and it probably shows in my pics. I have long hair, too, and I think that adds to the rejection. I’m not a tranny or a cross dresser, I just happen to be not as masculine as some other guys. And with everyone wanting “hot masculine muscle jocks…” well, my question is, what am I supposed to do? I’m kind of lonely and it depresses me that most guys don’t find guys like me attractive (except the very old sugar daddies). Sometimes I just wanna chop off all my hair and live in a gym just so I can have some male contact, but I don’t want to compromise who I am. Help!
– Pretty but Lonely
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