Dear Sexorcist:
I’ve been dating a great guy I really like except for one small thing: His penis. Sometimes the condom slips off him; other times he slips off me! It’s hard for me to get turned on, which leads to sometimes not being able to orgasm. My friends tell me I should be honest and open about it and tell him so we can work this out. But how do you tell a guy his penis is too small without scarring him for life? I don’t think of myself as superficial but what else could I be if I’m thinking of breaking up with a great guy because his equipment is too small? Help!
– Confused in Candler Park
Dear Confused:
Oh, yes, by all means tell him. Start the conversation off by watching porn together and yelling, “Now THAT’S a cock!”
Listen, there’s a fine line between honesty and cruelty. Imagine your boyfriend sitting you down and saying, “Honey, you’re a fantastic woman except your breasts aren’t big enough and your vagina looks like a wizard’s sleeve.”
Capiche? Good. That said, you are perfectly within your right to…
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“When it comes to your guy’s penis, remember three things: if it’s small, say it’s the perfect fit; if it’s average, say it’s huge; if it’s huge, he’ll know – but he’ll love hearing you say it anyway.”
That quote was part of a long list compiled by writer Sandra Prior.
It’s one of the best lists I’ve ever read about The Male Mind. Rounding out the rest of my top ten:
1. I think about you more than you realize. I just don’t phone or e-mail you every time it happens.
2. Making me ask a man for directions is like me telling you to ask another woman for fashion advice.
3. I love being seduced, so please do it more often. Always being the one to start things off sexually puts more pressure on me than you realize.
4. It’s actually not okay to pee in front of me all the time. It’s just a little too familiar, you know?
5. If I stand a chance with you, never play hard to get. I’m so freaked out by rejection I’ll just assume you aren’t into me and stop calling.
For the rest of my top ten (and the 40+ quotes on the rest of the list…)
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A lot smaller than you think.
The six inch myth started with Kinsey’s famous study in the 50′s that asked two thousand guys to self-report the size of their prize. Yes, SELF-REPORT. Two objections, as I see it:
1) Starting with maps, men believe that an inch equals a mile. Did Kinsey really believe that guys would tell the truth?
2) Would you believe anything a man says when he’s holding his penis?
Researchers, unfazed by male hallucinations, decided to take matters into their own hands and do the measuring themselves. And the results? Study after study shows the average erect penis size is about 5.2 inches.
I swear if men were born with business cards, they’d read, “Professional Liar.”
Of course, most of this lying covers up a widespread insecurity, so we can have a little pity. Every guy feels like he’s got the smallest tool in the lockers. The penis enlargement emails that seem to be targeted specifically at us don’t help–especially the ones from our moms.
If you’re going to compare yourself to other guys at least level the playing field. You’re seeing their junk at a forty-five degree angle but looking straight down at yours, which makes it look tiny. So, don’t look down; look in the mirror.
But if you really want to compare there’s only one way to do it–Measure yourself. Here’s how contemporary researchers suggest you do it: Read the rest of this entry »
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