Mike Alvear's Urge & Merge

At the risk of blaming the victim, I have to voice a bit of collective anger about Rihanna’s decision to go back to Chris Brown, or as I like to call him, “Rapper-Batterer Chris Brown.” Yet, every time anger rises, sympathy follows, partially blocking the righteous rays of indignation.

Take one look at the fact/sympathy/anger matrix and you’ll see what I mean:

Fact: Rihanna took him back even though she needs facial reconstruction surgery.

Anger: She’s teaching a generation of women that the proper response to getting the crap beat out of you is to go back for more. All in the name of love.
How are we supposed to curb violence against women if the violated women ENDORSE the violence? (btw, if you like a little absurdity to go with your anger, click here to see Rihanna’s full page Cover Girl ad with the headline, “Lighten Your Eyes.” Great. A Cover Girl who has to cover her face).

Sympathy: She’s got trusted friends who are telling her the wrong thing. “It’s no problem,” said close family friend Sharon Bellamy-Thompson, a Barbados fish-market operator, to US magazine. “I have had boyfriends who beat me and then I took them back. I stayed with them because I was in love.”

The Rapper-Batterer’s mom Joyce Hawkins has been no help, lobbying for them to get back together. HIS MOM! Shouldn’t she bet the first to tell Brown, “Don’t even think about getting back together until you’ve gotten help”?

And worse, at a February 13, 2009 taping for VH1′s Storytellers, Kanye West asked the audience, “Can’t we give Chris a break?”

No, Kanye, we can’t. Not until he publicly apologizes, says, “I was wrong and I’m getting help to make sure it never happens again.”

. . .

Fact: She took him back in a matter of weeks.  Read the rest of this entry »

The full page ad that ran in People Magazine this week.

That’s what we need– a celebrity showing women the best make-up to hide the bruises.

Rhianna the Floormat

Here’s what Chris Brown was thinking

The Wheel of Violence (showing the path toward domestic abuse)

If Chris Brown is anything like most batterers, his thought process was something like this: “I told her not to do it.  She knew what would happen if she did.  She did it.  What choice did I have?”

She knew what was coming.  She deserved it.

If Brown’s anything like the 40% to 70% of batterers who were themselves beaten as children or witnessed physical violence as a way to keep people in line, he doesn’t even understand that he did something wrong.

That’s how we solved problems where I come from.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown did what he did to exert control.   Is he not the man in the relationship?   The one who sets the rules?  The one who enforces them?  And what does a man do when the woman he loves won’t follow the rules?  He takes the law into his own hands.

She broke the rules.  She has to pay.

Maybe Rihanna didn’t break a rule or cross a line.  Maybe she simply wouldn’t listen, let alone agree, to a rule he wanted to set.

That’ll get her attention.

If Brown is like most batterers, he needed to show Rihanna who’s boss, because there can only be one person calling the shots, especially when it comes to Fill in the Blank.

I had to take control.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown wanted to teach Rihanna a lesson or get revenge for some slight or wrong, real or imagined.

She’s gotta pay for her mistakes.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown figured that physical violence or the threat of it would frighten Rihanna into doing what he wanted.

She’ll think twice before she crosses me again.

If Brown is like most batterers, he might have been desperate about keeping his woman.  And when the only tool you’ve got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

I’ll scare her into staying.

And if he’s anything like Ike Turner, Chris Brown probably diminished what he did by saying it wasn’t that bad.  In his 2001 autobiography Ike Turner wrote: “Sure, I’ve slapped Tina … There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking.  But I never beat her.”

Rihanna, Tina and millions of women.

They all deserved it.

Click here to see “The Wheel of Violence,” which shows how abuse starts with put-downs, leads to threats and ends with emergency calls to the  police.

Click here to see Rihanna’s full page Cover Girl with the headline, Light Up Your Eyes

Rihanna the Floormat

If you or someone you love is in a violent relationship call the National toll-free Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to their website. http://www.ncdsv.org

The pic was leaked without authorization from LAPD, which confirmed it is authentic and is pursuing legal action against the person responsible for its release.  Thanks to towleroad who reprinted the the LAPD statement:

“The unauthorized release of a domestic violence photograph immediately generated an internal investigation. At about 7 p.m. on February 19, 2009, the Los Angeles Police  Department Media Relations Section began receiving numerous inquiries about the release of a photograph associated with a domestic violence incident that occurred on February 8, 2009,  involving entertainer Chris Brown. The photograph appeared on an entertainment website.  The photograph has the appearance of one taken during an official Domestic Violence investigation. The Los Angeles Police Department takes seriously its duty to maintain the confidentiality of victims of domestic violence.  The Department launched an immediate internal investigation and subsequently filed a personnel complaint. A violation of this type is considered serious misconduct, with penalties up to and including termination.”

I’m going to keep my comments to myself bc there are so many people saying better.   Like Whyfame at  Zimbio.com. A sampling:

Black girl lusts after Thug/Bad Boy — Thug/Bad Boy beats or mistreats girl — Wash, rinse, repeat.
How many times have we heard this story? This storyline has become all too common and you would think that it would serve as a lesson and warning to these women. Apparently the R&B; singer Rihanna was brutally beaten to a bloody pulp over the weekend in LA. The suspect turned out to be her boyfriend… Hip Hop/R&B; performer Chris Brown. From the reports… the injuries to this young woman were “horrific”. Her face was apparently left swollen and bruised. If that’s not bad enough, it has also been reported that Rihanna is not cooperating with Police and does not want to press charges against her abuser.

Her posts are great–”why do black women love thugs?”  “Even a thug asks ‘WTF?’”

Best part about her post–she won’t accept comments, cuz she doesn’t want to hear “the other side.”  As if there could be another side.  I’m with her.  WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEBODY YOU LOVE?

Here’s what Chris Brown was thinking

Rihanna the Floormat

Rihanna’s full page Cover Girl ad with the headline, “Lighten up your eyes.”

According to the National Center for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder):

•  20-30% of American women will be physically abused by a partner at least once in their lifetimes
•  1.3 million women and 834,732 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually

•  201,394 women are forcibly raped by an intimate partner annually

•  11% of women in homosexual relationships and 23% of men in homosexual relationships report being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by an intimate partner

•  503,485 women and 185,496 men are stalked by an intimate partner annually

•  1-25% of all pregnant women are battered during pregnancy

•  30-40% of women’s emergency room visits are for injuries due to domestic violence

•  30% of women killed in the U.S. are killed by their husbands or boyfriends

•  50% of men who assaulted their female partners also assaulted their children

•  3.3 million children witness domestic violence each year

If you or someone you love is in a violent relationship call the National toll-free Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to their website.