Women can do it because they can attach erotic desire to personality traits. Men? Ha!
That’s why most of us live within the narrow confines of our sexual bandwidth. The point was poignantly made by one gay guy who wrote to me:
“Guys nearly always want someone with their own body type, and I’ll never have it. I’m a beanpole by nature: thousands of hours of weight training haven’t turned me into a hunk, just made me less skinny. No reputable doctor will prescribe anabolic steroids to me, and I don’t want to risk doing illicit steroids. Given the Gay Rules of Attraction, I know my chance of getting a studly boyfriend is slight-to-vanishing.”
Can he change the body type he’s attracted to? Read the rest of this entry »
October 15th, 2009 at 12:05 am
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Can the right body language help you meet the right guy?
As the author of the first body language book for gay men, I’m often asked how male body language affects guy-on-guy dating. The answer is plenty. But to understand why certain postures, gestures and expressions make you more appealing to gay guys, you have to understand the 5 major principles of gay body language:
#1. Words lie, bodies don’t.
The truth leaks out of our bodies like a pockmarked water pail. As soon as we put a finger in one hole another one opens up. You may think you look calm, cool and collected, but look down– your foot’s tapping the floor like a woodpecker. Sexual signals bounce all over the place whenever gay men get together, and they’re being sent with heads, eyes, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Yes, feet. Long story, keep reading.
#2. Your body language changes when you see somebody hot. And you’re usually not aware of it.
Hidden camera studies show that a man’s posture changes when he sees somebody that turns him on. He, or more to the point, YOU, will:
- Pull your stomach. (To look sleeker)
- Throw your shoulders back (to occupy more space)
- Puff up your chest (to look bigger)
- Lift your head (To look taller)
- Protrude your jaw (to look more dominant)
It’s a form of preening. Researchers call it “Auto-erotic signaling.”
Read the rest of this entry »
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
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When you lose interest as soon as he starts showing it, you’ve confused sexual conquest with self-acceptance.
FROM A READER:
I’m 24 and have not really had a proper long-term relationship. I’ve never had much trouble getting guys into bed, so there’s normally a decent amount of sex flying around. The problem is I’m a bit of a hypocrite. If a guy likes me for “more than sex” straight off the bat, I kinda lose interest, even if I’m attracted to him. I tend to fall for the guys that I sort of like at first, but who then don’t reciprocate. It’s like their lack of interest just rocks my world.
Normally, I hate playing “the game” (acting hard to get, feigning disinterest, etc), so if I like someone, they will know it. But when I get the same treatment from other guys, I find it…. boring?
Is this normal? Should I just hang around till the right balance between him liking me, and me liking him comes along? Or am I a rejection junky?
—– SCREWED?
Dear Fucked,
You’re not a rejection junkie; you’re a new meat junkie. Big difference. Oh, and that bullshit about not liking the game? Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. You love the game –as long as you’re the dealer and not the dealt with. Here’s why you’re chasing your tail and how you can stop:
1. The Hunt is More Exciting Than the Catch.
The pursuit is giving you something that being pursued does not: Anticipation, excitement, spontaneity, conquest and drama. OH GOD, THE DRAMA! And of course, that New Dick Smell. Read the rest of this entry »
September 9th, 2009 at 12:14 am
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