I can’t begin to count how many HIV+ people I know who were denied drug assistance from AIDS services organizations (ASO) because their income was literally as little as a few dollars over the cutoff for financial aid.  Even if you are on disability, or working at a job that pays minimum wages but provides no health coverage, you may still not qualify for assistance in obtaining your necessary medications because, according to the government (city, county, state or federal — take your pick), you are seen as gainfully employed or with adequate income.  However, disability often puts you at a fixed income level for life and the minimum wage is not enough to live on.  What are you supposed to do when the apartment you rented 4 years ago for $525.00 a month is now renting for $750.00 per month?

While your suspicions that  “Feeling Helpless” couldn’t get help because he didn’t provide proper documentation may be accurate, please remember that thousands of HIV+ men, women and children are denied assistance every day in this country because of corporate politics, outmoded financial requirements and critical funding shortages.  “Feeling Helpless” may fall into that group of pozzies.

–  Been there myself

Dear Been There:
Thank you for showing my readers just how ‘manageable’ that “manageable condition” can be.

You’re right about all the obstacles people face in getting meds but wrong about who you’re blaming.  When it comes to who gets help and who doesn’t, AIDS Service organizations (ASOs) don’t make the rules; they follow them.  The rule-makers are the state and federal governments.

Example:  If the state of Georgia sets the poverty line for a single individual at $27,600 (which it does) and you make $27,650 then good luck trying to get AID Atlanta to help you.  They’d endanger their government funding and end up unable to help anyone.

ASOs do have ways of helping people who are above the government’s “poverty line” (Emergency rent services, for example, and in limited cases, providing free meds through the AIDS Drug Assistance Program).  But the truth is, you and your “manageable condition” are fucked if you make too much money to qualify for assistance but not enough to afford insurance.

You’re pretty fucked even if you do have health insurance since YOU are responsible for the HIV med co-pays, which can run $50-$100 per med.  If you’re taking 3 or 4 meds, that’s up to $400 a month just in co-pays, let alone the overall insurance premium.

Bottom line:  Getting infected with HIV may not be a death sentence but trying to get the meds will make you die a thousand deaths.

To maximize your chances at getting help do this:

1.    Provide all the documentation asked for (like your HIV status, income, etc.)
2.    Keep your appointments and do what the case worker says
3.    If you make more than the government’s limits but can’t afford insurance ask the caseworker for guidance.
4.    If your caseworker isn’t helpful, ask for another one.
5.    If your caseworker doesn’t mention them, specifically ask for the AIDS Drug Assistance Program or Emergency Assistance Funds.

Is there any harm in lying on a tanning bed in the nude?

–  Butt First 

Dear Butt First:

The ultraviolet rays of a tanning bed won’t do any more harm to your dick than they do to your back.  But that’s not saying much, since the consensus among dermatologists is that tanning beds cause skin cancer.

Every day more than a million Americans go to the nation’s 50,000 tanning facilities.  The ultraviolet radiation these “beds” give off is a carcinogen just like tobacco, according to the latest study in The Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology.   As one of the study’s authors notes, “Radiation use has been declared a carcinogen by the National Institutes of Health.”

From a reader: I’ve been with this guy for a few months now, and things are moving along quite nicely with one exception. We’re both tops. We click on so many levels except that one. To avoid a stalemate in the bedroom, I’ve been bottoming every time, but I really want to switch things up. I’ve asked him but he won’t. Is there any way I can change his mind?

-Wanting to top

Dear Wanting:

You can’t argue your way into a man’s starfish. Try it and the ten-foot fence around his sphincter will grow to twenty. Confront him and he’ll electrify the fence. Instead, seduce him. Even a salesman knows you don’t go for the ‘close’ right away.

Second, drop the labels. Saying something like, “I’m not going to be the bottom in this relationship” will trigger every emotional hot button he’s got about his masculinity. Instead, tell him you’re crazy-attracted to him and want to experience different aspects of him. Make it about Desire and you’ll fill his heels with helium. Make it about who’s the woman in the relationship and you’ll fill them with cement.

Third, use your sexual power. What turns him on about you? Your chest? Walk around the house shirtless more. The way you grunt in bed? Grunt more. The more you turn him on the easier it’ll be to turn him over.

Fourth, emphasize reciprocity. Remind him that partners don’t just do things to each other in bed, they do things for each other.

Then, get a commitment to considering it. You’ll never get a highly resistant guy to say, “I’ll do it.” But you can easily get him to say, “I’ll consider it.” Here’s how: By promising that as you move slowly to the Main Event (see next point) you will not try to top him under any conditions. This will get rid of his “anticipatory anxiety” –constantly being on guard that you’re going to trick or force him to bottom as soon as he lets down his guard. Trust is a key issue—don’t violate it, or you’ll spend the rest of your sex life on your back memorizing ceiling patterns.

Start by simply laying on top of him stomach to stomach. Do NOT lift his legs as if you’re about to enter him. Kiss and touch all you want but be on top. Once he gets comfortable with that, then advance progressively:

- Ask if you can rim him. Rimming is nothing but the back door of a blowjob –and feels about as heavenly.

- Gently brush the head of your penis against his sphincter. Don’t use your hands; otherwise he’ll think you’re going to pull the old “I’ll just stick the head in” trick.

- Slowly push between his legs so that the length of your shaft presses against his perineum. The heat and hardness against such a sensitive area will flood him with pleasure. The idea is to get him used to having your member touching his Demilitarized Zone without freaking out.

- Slowly rub the shaft of your penis against his perineum in gentle thrusting motions. Basically, it’s stimulation by simulation.

After a few weeks, when you sense he’s receptive ASK him if you can make love. The combination of his love and desire for you mixed with the respectful and sexy way you’ve gone about it will almost always result in a “Yes.”

Read more: Pink Paper

Like it or not, the gay dating world is filled, or rather shorn, of a lot of hair. If you want to meet gay men, the hair-on-head-only look is going to help a lot, sad to say. So here are the options and their cruel legacies:

Laser Removal
What it is: Laser light grabs the hair follicle, says, “Luke, I am your father” and kills the hair root. It doesn’t kill the follicle, though, so hair can still grow back. Maybe it should say, “Luke, I did your Father” and it would work better.

How long it’ll take: About half an hour per session. Like the Star Wars movies, it’ll take about 8 sequels to get the job done.

Where you should aim it: At your boss. But if you need the job, your chest, back, stomach and genitals.
The hit: About $450 per treatment.
Duration: It’s the most permanent of your options, but touch-ups are the rule.

Waxing
What it is: Torture. They put strips of cloth over the wax and then RIP the fucker off. The new waxes aren’t supposed to be as painful as the old waxes, but that’s like saying getting stabbed by a dull knife doesn’t hurt as much as a sharp one. Technically true, but…

How long it’ll take: Ten minutes to an hour.

Where you should aim it: Unibrows, hair on the ears and neck, legs, underarms, and arms. Gay advice: Do NOT use it on your genitals unless you’re an extra on the next sequel to The Hills Have Eyes and need the screaming practice.

The hit: About $50-70 a session

Duration: About 4 to 6 weeks.

Electrolysis
What it is: Death by lightning bolt. Ultra-slim needles penetrate the hair shaft, delivering tiny shocks of electricity to the hair follicle.

How long it’ll take: This ain’t a Manhunt Bang-N-Go hookup. Depending on how much fur you’re scalping, we’re talking about 20 minute weekly sessions for up to a year. Man, that ain’t a trick, that’s a husband.

Where you should aim it: Because it’s so time-consuming I’d keep to small places like the eyebrows and neck.

Who it’ll work on: Guys looking for a long-term commitment.

The hit: About $40 per session

Duration: It’s permanent, if you don’t mind being a lightning rod for a year.

Depilatories
What it is: French for “Chemical Burn.” Chemicals dissolve proteins in the hair, loosening them to the point that they drop to the floor like the last date you got drunk. The good news: They leave a rounded, smoother edge, minimizing the sharp, hard, stubble that shaving leaves.

How long it’ll take: 3-5 minutes, depending on how much straw you’ve got on your broom.

What it’ll work on: Best for back, chest, arms and legs. The chemicals can be harsher than my columns so always do a “patch test” on a small area of skin (the inner arm below the elbow is a good place). Wipe it off immediately if you get any kind of reaction–burning, redness, or an insatiable desire to tell everyone Whitney’s comeback is just around the corner. Different brands have different formulations so if one doesn’t work try another.

The hit: $5-$10

Duration: 7 to 14 days.

Where you should aim it: Your face, arms and legs. You COULD use it on your genitals, but man, I’d be as nervous as a dog outside of a Korean meatpacking plant. Make sure you use formulas marked “for sensitive areas” and stare at the stopwatch like your balls depended on it–because they do.