QUESTION:
I know reading and giving body language has a lot to do with whether you’re going to get, as you like to say, “you’re prey”, in the sack. But what kind of body language signs should I be using and looking for? It all seems so confusing.

– Body stutterer

Dear Body Stutterer:

Hand gestures are the first thing to look at because they’re so expressive and give so many clues as to what “your prey” is feeling.

As Tracey Cox, my co-host on HBO’s Sex Inspectors says, “Under pressure our bodies leak. Our true feelings come gushing out in gestures.”

For instance, men who are interested check and adjust their appearance. Wait. That’s every gay man in every gay circumstance. You’re right. This is confusing. Still, if he’s not interested he probably won’t care what he looks like to you.

Another mark of interest: If he stands with his hands on his Read the rest of this entry »

Q:

I’ve been told that I shake hands like a Viking. When I softened it I was accused of shaking hands like a limp Tilapia. Then I changed it again and somebody I shook hands like a dog (whatever that means). Bottom line it for me: What’s the best way to shake hands when you first meet somebody you’re interested in?

– Palmer

A.

When guys think about the body language they should use in gay bars and parties they pretty much think that as long as they’re not frowning or crossing their arms they’re okay.

But gay body language–the subconscious, nonverbal communication that gay men use to signal their attraction–is far more complicated. It involves gestures, postures, even what you wear. But perhaps the most powerful aspect about body language that gay men need to pay attention to is touch.

A simple handshake can up your odds of getting a man, a date or a phone number.
Here’s why: Read the rest of this entry »

Using the right body language is the single most effective thing you can do to meet and attract the kind of guys you’re into. But how does that apply to us gay guys? After all, the prevailing feeling in gay nightlife is “if you don’t have the look you don’t stand a chance.”

Well, let’s not be stupid–that hottie you’re hawkin’ on is NOT going to date or hang out with you just because you’re throwing off the right body language. But if you want to catch his attention, turn his attention into interest and his interest into an attraction, NOTHING will help you do it better and faster than the right body language.

The question is, what’s the right body language for gay guys? Is it simply smiling and keeping your arms uncrossed or is there something more? Read the rest of this entry »

Ok, so most of you know that I’ve written the first body language guide for gay men and that I’m obsessed with the subject. You’d think YouTube would be FILLED with great videos on (straight) body language showing you how to interpret gestures, postures and expressions.

1. Are you hitting on me? If he likes you, you’re in. Stop reading. Go home. Enjoy him. If he’s not sure or he’s not immediately attracted, the law of gay attraction is going to pull you down. You better give him a reason for talking, so say something like, “Help me settle a bet with a friend…” or “I’m asking you because…” The point is to give him context. You can always try the direct route—“because I want to bend you over the railing and pound the dust out of your rug.” But really, if it were that easy you wouldn’t need my gay tips.

2. How long are you going to be? If he’s not immediately attracted to you, he’ll spend the whole time trying to get rid of you. So, use a “Time Constraint” –something that lets him know he’s a pit stop, not a landing spot. Like, “I have to get back to my friend in a sec, but I have to ask you…” Pair it with symmetrical body language—leaning away, or taking a couple of steps away as you’re talking. When it comes to dating or hooking up, the shortest distance between two zippers isn’t always a straight line.

By giving him 1) a rationale for talking and 2) leaving quickly, you’ve set up an exquisite question in your future ex-husband’s mind–“Was that guy interested or just being friendly?” That’s exactly where you want him: Wondering. Because wondering will make him more receptive to your company when you come back–and you will (more on how later), giving you the opportunity to charm the pants off him.

And inch him closer to that railing.

1 Comment »