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JFB

I loved this article.

I am a woman and I agree with you 100%. Well, 99%. I think my nani is nirvana. lol
But getting back to the article,
I have felt this way for years and people get so caught up in wondering what someone will think of them.

Thank you for helping to get rid of this silly 1st-date myth.

The problem with risk is, you never know if it’s worth it until AFTER you take it. The choice my date and I made may not have been right for you, but that doesn’t make it a mistake. Had she asked me to wait, I would have respected her choice and continued pursuit. The ability to be open mind/heart/body is a journey for all, and we all have to figure out what works best for us as individuals.

I have yet to figure out a way to close down my (rather tender) heart. So, for me, saying no to first date sex isn’t about worrying what you will think about me. It’s about giving me a chance to figure out who you are before I get too attached.

That may be backwards to how it is done in the “big city,” but I know how my heart (and my vagina) work. I prefer to keep them both closed until I’m sure that you’re worth the risk. It’s not about rules, unless we’re talking about the rules that I’ve worked out for myself through hard experience.

And, the mistake your date made was letting it get to the point that the conversation was even had on the first date. I don’t like to go there, it leads to much awkwardness on both parts.

I’m going to assume that you’re seeing other people, and that by not having sex, there’s a chance that you’ll have easier access to someone else and that you won’t be willing to wait for me. I’ve already internalized and accepted that risk, so it doesn’t really pose a threat to me. Being intimate with you before I’m emotionally ready is a much bigger threat to my equilibrium than being rejected after a first date because i didn’t have sex.

Let’s turn it around. What if I had been the one to ask that we wait, and she intimated she preferred instant gratification. Should I have told her to ‘go fuck herself’ and stormed out? Would I have been weak to acquiesce? Connection and the desire for it goes both ways, and male or female attractiveness isn’t a guarantee of sexual chemistry. We do have to look closer, not just at prospective partners, but at ourselves and the preconceptions we bring.

And that would be the point of the evening where I tell you to go fuck yourself. You basically coerced this woman into having sex with you by threatening to leave and have sex with someone else. Any woman who falls for this is not strong, empowered or confident. She’s having sex with a guy out of a fear of losing him.

First off, men know that if we’re on a date, you’ve already considered if you would sleep with us, and the answer is yes. Women decide this in about fifteen seconds.

Yes, we’re just that shallow and assume physical attraction means good sex. Sorry, Jack, bit many of us are far more discerning than that. And it has nothing to do with thinking we possess a Golden Vagina. It’s about whether or not we can connect with you on a level that ensures (makes it really, really possible) that the sex will be any good. In fact, most really good looking guys are average at best in bed because they don’t think they have to work for it. So we have to look closer.

Well, methinks the lady doth protest too much ,-)