#1 Area 51 Love Doll.

love_doll

This inflatable beauty features, and I quote from their ad copy, “A pussy-shaped mouth, 3 supple breasts, suction cup fingers and ass-shaped ears make it the kinkiest love slave in the galaxy.”

#2 Baby Jesus Butt Plug

jesus butt plug

Anything I say will send me to hell, so I’m taking a pass.

#3 Houdini Locking Steel Cock Chastity

cock_chastity

Sure, slap ten pounds of steel onto my penis so I can’t pee or masturbate–I got a few hours to kill. The ratcheting handcuff is a nice touch, I must say.

4. Anal Speculum

anal speculum

A game changer for the sadistic proctologist inside you.

5. Rubber Fisting Mitten

fistin_mitten

To the elbow? That’s a bunch of crap.


6. Tongue Vibrator

tongue vibrator

Cat got your tongue? It left me speechless. A disembodied tongue licking you? Wes Craven must have designed this.

7. Auto Suck

auto_suck

It’s designed to plug into any car cigarette lighter, so naturally the manufacturer has this warning on the box: ‘Do not use while driving!’

8. The Vagina Foot

vagina foot

It’s a rubber foot with a vagina heel. Feets don’t fail me now!

9. Dildo Gas Mask

dick_mask

An anal probe for the partner who just ate a burrito?


10. Piss Hole Stuffer

piss hole

Words fail.