You know unemployment is high when even the biggest dicks can’t get a job.

Jonah Falcon’s penis was measured at 13.5″ in an HBO special ten years back. He talks about his inability to get a job here.

How does this reflect the struggle of every day people in a job-free recovery? It doesn’t. It just proves how hard up I am to put a, erm, “face” on the plight of the jobless.

Right. Anyway, Falcon claims his penis is 8.5 inches soft. If you want to read one of the most entertaining penis size descriptions I’ve ever seen, stand back and get a load of this excerpt from a 2003 interview he granted to Rolling Stone:

Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs. A penis this size functions, physiologically, like any other, according to urologists, a claim substantiated by Falcon. His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands — campfire style — from a distance of six inches.

Was he really almost 14 inches erect? Well, that would certainly qualify as an outlier in the average penis size sweepstakes. The Measure Your Penis Size clinicians HBO showed he was almost 14″ long but there’s no real proof of it. Forget about finding the HBO video, btw–it’s shut tight in their vaults (one assumes it was a tight fit). However, there is this audio of an interview he gave to Howard Stern: