Mike Alvear’s Urge & Merge

By avoiding a conversation at all costs.  Let’s face it, we men suck at talking.   We always end up buying ourselves a late-night spot on the couch.  I always suggest the Foreplay Forum instead.  Get naked in bed and ask all the questions you want her to ask you.  Like, “What are three things you’d like more of?  Show me how you want me to go south on you.  Show me the best way to touch you.”  Test-drive her suggestions by asking, “Like this or like that?  Harder or softer?  Slower or faster?”  Once she sees how much interest you take in *her* pleasure, she’ll be a lot more receptive to yours.

Now, if she’s got an awful “stick-it-in-I’ve-got-clothes-to-fold” attitude, then you HAVE to talk.   Where?  Anywhere but the bedroom.  Too threatening.  When?  Not after sex.   Aim for mellow time—like a Sunday morning when you’re sipping coffee and pretending to read the New York Times.  How?  Casually.  No pronouncements like, “Honey, We’ve Got To Talk About Our Sex Lives.”   That’s a guaranteed way of going from bad sex to no sex.   Instead, frame it as a desire to take both your sex lives to the next level.

Keep things positive and for God’s sakes, don’t be honest. She doesn’t need to know that the National Hurricane Center gave your last session a Category 5 Yawn.  And don’t think you can tell her what she’s bad at as long as you tell her what she’s good at.  She’ll never forgive you.  When you get down to specifics, tell her what you want more of, not less of.  Bottom line:  Don’t cop an attitude when you can cop a feel.