Host of HBO's The Sex Inspectors and author of Meet The Hottie In The Corner.

Tyra: Can you be straight and do gay porn?

Tyra tackled a tickler last week:  Gay-for-pay  porn stars. My favorite parts of the show (vids below):

* Tyra grasping for the right way to ask the porn stud if he liked to be plowed like a mid-winter Minnesota freeway: “How do I say this on Daytime TV?” she said. “It’s Christmas Day.   Do you like to give presents or receive them?”

* Tyra helpfully defending the guy’s contention that he’d rather take it up the bum than service another guy: “When you’re the Christmas gift-giver, you have to be aroused to perform. To receive you don’t have to be!

Really, Tyra, maybe you are the next Oprah.

 

Public opinion to the show was predictable: Most people seem to think the straight sex workers were either closet case exhibitionists, money-hungry heteros or want-it-all versatiles. But are the only options gay, straight or bi?

How about “Buy-Sexual?”

Gay guys should understand that term better than anyone. We’ve been trading sex for a certain kind of currency since the beginning of time.  How many of us dated, sexed or married a woman because it would “buy” us entry into the groups we wanted to be part of? Like family, friends, church, work, or the military. We’ve been doing “Straight-for-stay” a lot longer than straights have been doing “Gay-for-pay.” Don’t let money blind you to the meaning of currency.

Part 2

Gay-for-pay says, “I have sex with men for money.” Straight-to-stay says, “I have sex with women for acceptance.” The currency might be different but the dynamic is not: Temporarily thwarting authentic desire for something valuable.

I’ve had sex with a few women yet if you pointed the Kinsey scale at me (can you point a scale?), Alfred himself would say, “Run!  It’s going to blow!”  If gays can get it up for a gender we’re not attracted to, why do we think straight guys can’t? Somebody’s being pounded by a double-standard dildo.

Part 3

The real–but plucked– eyebrow raiser in the show occurred when the nearly-married-with-kids guy said he’d rather bottom than top. On the face of it, it doesn’t make sense. Straight guys are almost universally repulsed by the thought of receiving anal sex from another man. Whether they end up with a guy out of necessity (say, jail) or out of desire (say, anywhere) there’s a standard macho defense: “I’m-not-gay-as-long-as-I’m-the-top.” But this guy didn’t go there. Though he was as insightful as a stopped clock (correct twice a day), I was intrigued by his contention that getting the dust pounded out of his rug HELPED him dissociate from the sexual experience. If he wasn’t all that sensitive down there (every now and again you find ports that can take first-class cargo without much trouble), then the rest is easy. All he’d have to do is:

* Position himself so that he’s not touching, kissing or even seeing his partner.

* Position himself to watch straight porn as it’s happening.

* Fantasize it’s his fiancé inserting a toy.

I mean, once you get past the act itself (and I admit, it’s a lot to get past) there’s no difference between gay-for-pay and straight-to-say. Fantasy is the great enabler. If gay men can use it to get past sessions with women, why wouldn’t straight guys be able to get past theirs with men? What’s between your ears is more powerful than what’s between your legs, even if someone’s got them pinned to your shoulders.

What isn’t easily defined is easily dismissed.  The closest most of us can come to understanding the phenomenon of straight guys having gay sex is to say they’re bi-sexual.  It’s hard to see that they’re in fact, buy-sexual.

Part 4

Part 5

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pixel Tyra: Can you be straight and do gay porn?

19 Responses to “Tyra: Can you be straight and do gay porn?”

  1. Ervin

    The topic was intersting and I’ve heard of Gay-for-pay before. It’s really nothing new. I like the Tyra show, but I was disappointed in her approach to the topic and to her interviewees. It seemed like she was attacking them for doing what they did. Does it really effect her? No. The audience wasn’t really mixed crowd. Of course most heterosexual women wouldn’t agree with these men. Of course the black man would say that they were crazy. It was just a typical response that didn’t really help the show. I know that black men have their own issues with coming to terms accepting themselves as being gay. I seemed like Tyra picked people who would be on her side. Why were most of her guest white? I have no problem with it, but don’t you want all perspectives? Why didn’t she have a mixed group of guys as her guest? I know that I started to like the show when it started, but when it ended I felt indifferent. I have mixed feelings because it really didn’t accomplish anything. If those guys want to do “gay-for-pay” then let them. Not hurting anyone. If their wives don’t care that they do it, then that’s there decision. We don’t need to regulate how people need to live their lives. The show was not accepting. Mo’nique would have done a BETTER job handling the topic. She does not judge. It’s not her place and she knows that. That’s all. What do you think?


  2. I agree, Ervin. The show started off strong and then went south in a hurry. It started out as a bona fide inquiry and turned into judgment, though I do think it reflected most people’s thoughts –”How can this be?” As for Mo’Nique I know this–she would have made EVERYONE laugh, if not think


  3. [...] Can you be straight and do gay porn? Is Porn Bad for You? A flow chart that describes 90% of porn videos Why do lesbians watch gay porn? [...]

  4. Jake

    Mike I couldn’t disagree with you more. Gay people formed relationships with people of the other sex because ANTI-GAY BIGOTRY forced them to. It was/ is survival. Heterosexual males’ sexuality has always been celebrated in all it’s forms. What these heterosexual males are doing is exploitation. Unfortunately a lot of gay men see heterosexual males as the holders of masculinity which they are attracted to. In these gay men’s minds no matter what a hetersexual male does he is masculine and no matter what a gay man does he is feminine which they are NOT attracted to. For gay men is self defeating and allows heterosexual males to maintain their position of privilege over everyone no matter what they do.


  5. Thank you SO much for writing this article and pointing to this Tyra Show. Straight men can and do have sex with other men and it has nothing to do with a gay identity and everything to do with the sexual act. There is so much to learn about this and the public is very black and white in terms of gay, bisexual and straight. It is too simplistic to say that what you do is who you are!

  6. Jest

    The question boils down to: ‘Can men who believe they are straight have gay sex?’ The terms gay and straight are often conflated intentionally to create controversy and interest, particularly by those who make the talk show rounds. It’s a bit of psycho sexual slight-of-hand. Sexual orientation and sexual identity are reduced to gay/straight labels. Sexual identity (self concept) evolves with self awareness and experience. However there is no evidence that sexual orientation evolves or changes over a lifetime according to the APA.


  7. I agree, tho I think everyone’s “settings” are more or less fixed, desire is a free-floating thing that ocassionally rests where it’s not “supposed to.” It’s hard for people to understand that free-float (i include myself in it) because if you’re “fixed” you think everyone else is lying.

  8. Someone with a brain

    These guys are idiots. There way THOUSANDS of EASIER jobs that pay BETTER THAN GAY PORN. These guys are just in denial about their homosexuality.

  9. Andrew

    Joe Kort and his comment is a fucking idiot and hes supposedly an “expert” in sexuality and sex therapy, what a joke he is. He actually believes REAL straight men seek out sex with men and enjoy it and are still totally straight!!!

  10. David

    Believe it or not Andrew, it does exist. You couldn’t possibly know every type of psychological profile to determine that it doesn’t. It’s judgmental comments like this that force men to hide and be uncomfortable with who they are.

  11. will

    as a straight dude, it’s fair to say that this whole show was one big ball of homophobic bullshit that obviously perpetuates hate in this shit hole of a country. gay people can’t even get married, at least let’s not let [gay-for-pay] people get scrutinized. fuck you tyra.


  12. The point Alvear completely misses is that there’s still a stigma associated with homosexuality (despite the changes in attitude) while there has never been a stigma attached to heteroseuxality. This is why ashamed gay men marry/have sex with women, but it certainly doesn’t explain why “straight” guys have sex with other men — for pay or not. From birth we are virtually surrounded by heteroseuxality and hetero images; there’s a Push to be straight — there is no corresponding push to be gay.

    We can call men who have sex with other men bi, but heterosexual they are certainly not.

    As for Joe Kort, I agree that he is an idiot — but he makes money off self-hating gay/bi guys whom he assures are straight — for a price.


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  15. Key-Tah

    This chicks a bitc*. Shes making him so uncomfortable..she asked the only black dude in there that questiion . wack


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